Journal Entry: Tension Between Flesh and Spirit

I found myself tearing up in the grocery store because I just want to be with Jesus. I’m not suicidal and I’m not on my period. I’ve just come to realize that the deeper in my relationship with Jesus I go, the harder it is to live in this broken world.

I think this tension between heaven and earth is where the groaning happens like it says in Romans 8. There are so many wonderful things here on earth and dreams that I have for my future here, but the thought that I will be able to be face to face with Jesus without any filters brings me to tears. I will see Him clearly and get to hug Him. I’ll get to walk with Him around the kingdom of heaven through all of the places I’ve only had images of in my mind. I’ll be with all of the other believers and we will worship Him in unity and purity. Jesus will get the praise He deserves. There won’t be any more tension, just Jesus.

Holy Jesus, the one true King who will reign forever. He is the perfect Lamb that was beaten, mocked, and rejected in place for me so that I could get to heaven. I long for the day that His role as Bridegroom comes to pass and He collects His Bride. This wedding will be the most beautiful wedding and biggest celebration. The Righteous King will finally secure His Bride forever.

Worthy Jesus, the ony who teaches us the culture of heaven, the one who is the way, the truth, and the life. He is the one whose name alone holds power over sin, darkness, and destruction. He is the one who has a name that breaks curses and brings life. He is the one who holds the name of victory. healing, and love. There is no one like my King.

I’m so honored to be adopted into this perfect family. I’m humbled to be sought after by this King even when I turned away from Him. I’m struck and refined by His piercing eyes and gentle Spirit. I’m undone at His patience and His steadfast love. What a gift it is to even say that He is mine and I am His.

I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand how wonderful He is or just how much He’s fought for me, interceded for me, or loved me. All I know is that He has. I will never run out of praises to sing, thankfulness to utter, or love to return to my King Jesus for all of eternity.